Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
