she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
