take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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