it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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