Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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