went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
