why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
