I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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