god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
