Nicole vs. Life
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
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guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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