i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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