Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
