I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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