i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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