She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
