I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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