I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
