I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
