drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
