This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
