You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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