I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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