Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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