Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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