when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
