Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
