How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
