why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
