thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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