is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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