Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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