i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
