I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
