im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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