Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
