Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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