Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
