So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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