I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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