Someone shit on the floor
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
