got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
