Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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