I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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