DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
