My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
