I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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