you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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