That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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