Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
