Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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