Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
