I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
