im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
