Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
