my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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