I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
